keybroad | TNDG Day 9

Severe content warning: If you said no on the permissions post DO NOT READ THIS LOG. It's worse once I wrote it than the permissions post made it sound. Content warning for alcohol abuse, extremely explicit suicidal ideation, basically saying someone should die possibly through suicide, wrist trauma, domestic issues, a brief mention of abortion that did not happen, and of all things a moderately severe spoiler for Zero Time Dilemma. What follows is a summary for people who would like to be aware of what happened. If you do not want to see a summary before the content, please skip to the content by clicking here.

Lotus brings a glass of absinthe into the sci-fi set, where Santa is recovering from his hangover. Though she is just setting up a shrine for Katou, Santa ties these actions into an overall pattern of recklessness. He gets Lotus to apologize for inviting him and Ene to the same place at the same time without proper warning.

Santa's awkward supportive pauses count: 1. (End of page 1.)

Lotus: Hey. Do you know if Clover and Snake feel the same way about the hotel as you do?
Santa: Probably not.
Lotus: Oh, that's really good news. Now maybe I can live.

Lotus goes into a lot of detail about the feasibility of this plan and the unlikeliness of her survival if anything else happens, but Santa zeroes in on that part about how she saw her own death as very likely. Santa offers to try and protect her life if she tries and protects "Corrin's chances of going to the final five". Lotus refuses because "Lotus does not die" is less difficult than that. Instead she offers the equivalent trade that Santa protects Rohan's chances of going to the final five. The contract is sealed.

Santa's awkward supportive pauses count: 2.

When Lotus lifts her wrists into the light, Santa finally asks her "Are you thinking, even a little bit, of doing something like Ene wants to do." Lotus equivocates by pointing out that "like Ene" means a lot of things. (End of page 2.) Santa shifts the goal posts to "like me", confiding that when he believed June was dead, he was ready to die of suicide, until he discovered she was still alive in this universe. Lotus is very distracted and has to learn that unlike herself being from the True End timeline where June is alive, Santa and June both come from a different timeline where she died. Lotus is more ready to believe that June remembers dying because of Ayato Naoi's testimony, which she had initially dismissed as psychotic. She admits this is derailing and finally admits she knows almost exactly how Santa felt.

This is the climax. Lotus explains that during the nine days her two daughters had been kidnapped, she seriously considered suicide, mainly hesitant because of worldly obligations and the possibility that they'd come back alive. When they had survived, Lotus had to not commit suicide and emotionally support her children. Therefore, when she wants to spend money and make herself feel better, instead of taking time away from her children, she buys herself gold jewelry.

Santa silently compares this to the way his own biological mother committed suicide, and he says Lotus is a good mom, making her cry. Lotus gets tsundere and redirects them to the game, where the number of lives to save is actually limited. Santa acknowledges that he shouldn't impose his pessimistic view of the hotel onto Lotus and comes to a shared conclusion of optimism about the plan of sending Snake and Clover to the hotel: "I'll choose to trust you that the hotel isn't death for them if you choose to trust me that death isn't the right choice for you." They shake hands and agree to support each other through the future, which will "not be pretty". Lotus will stop Santa from drinking. (End of page 3.)

Santa's awkward supportive pauses count: 3.

Lotus: You know... by protecting Rohan, you really made choosing life a lot easier.
Santa: Why is he so important to you, anyway?

Similar to Santa and Kyrie's relationship, Lotus admits that she sees Rohan as the son she never had. They talk about Rohan's good traits, like not murdering Okuyasu. (Santa silently wonders if this is why Lotus wants to send away Clover and Snake.) Lotus and Rohan just connected right away similar to Santa or Corrin, or Lotus and the Ushiromiyas, which leads Santa to question whether she's "into one of them". Lotus says no very loudly, because she thinks she is not.

Santa points out that it's for the best because romance in these games is ill-fated and ends up insinuating that Seven liked Lotus. (End of page 4.) This touches Lotus, and she shows him Rohan's tattoo of a seven-headed dragon, hiding her other tattoo of a rose because that would make Santa think she is into a specific Ushiromiya, which she thinks she is not. Santa confides how much the attempt at escaping hurt him due to his bond with Seven, and Lotus says, "I refuse to put Seven with us in the bad parent corner for unintentionally abandoning Aoi-kun". Santa admits that Lotus used to be his least favorite due to Seven's interest in her, but now she is not, so she can call him Aoi all she wants. (End of page 5.) "Someone finally gives Hacchan a little credit! Thank you!" They talk about the other "tai chi club members", and Lotus thinks about working with June.

[Lotus wakes up in the morning, leaves the sci-fi set to take a shower, and still wearing a bathrobe while her hair is down, goes into the bar. She fills a brightly red-and-black checkered glass with absinthe and takes it back to her bedside table.]

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[ He observes her back very quietly, looking over the entirety of the tattoo. ]

That's for him. You went through all that physical pain because of him.

[ As if it matched up to all the emotional pain, right? ]

[She turns her head to make eye contact, confused.]

I did it to make myself feel better about missing him. I can't do anything "for him". He's dead.

[THEN WHY DID YOU DRINK A GLASS OF STRAIGHT ABSINTHE FOR KATOU, LOTUS?]

Look, I'm all there for enduring physical pain for people, I didn't have one twin fetus reduced for a reason. I would probably lose a leg if it would have kept him definitely alive. Maybe an arm if I could get a robot arm.

And of course he was all about enduring it for us.

Wouldn't have died if he wasn't....

[ Santa is very close to hyperventilating because of this conversation, actually, but he's counting his breaths and trying to keep it even. ]

Edited 2017-05-24 02:24 (UTC)

Well, it's not that simple, right? [Not actually sensing the true degree of Santa's distress.]

He probably thought he could escape. He'd done it before. And there was no rule against escaping or obvious evidence of the crushing mechanisms. It probably happened quickly.

But what if it didn't? What if he had any semblance of perception when it came to being crushed? What if he felt it for even a moment?

[ Oh boy, forget breathing regularly. ]

Uhhhhhhhhhh...

[Okay NOW she can tell it's getting worse]

That would be bad? But it's over now, and we're also currently having the perception of not getting crushed, so focus on that.

I guess. I just hate him a little for doing this.

[ It kind of hurts to admit that out loud, but it's also a huge relief? Wow, who knew he'd got relief talking to Lotus. ]

......

[Not sure what he wants to hear or how she feels.]

I mean, I call him an idiot for a reason. Either he didn't know what could happen, which is ignorance, or he did, which is recklessness.

Oh, I'm pretty sure he didn't know. He wouldn't leave Akane and I behind like that without a damn good reason, and 'wanting to get crushed to death' isn't it.

[She thinks. She remembers.]

You know how I tried to figure out the birth order of the "sons" remaining in our group. Well, on that basis I refuse to put Seven with us in the "bad parent corner" for unintentionally "abandoning Aoi-kun".

Fuck, it'd be really messed up if he counted as my dad.

[ Aoi shakes his head and laughs. ]

He probably counts as something like that to Akane, but not me. I never looked at him like that.

If you and Seven are both like her dads, then where was there room for this "perfect woman" in your family...?

Never wanted him to find one. That's probably why I was so mad about your existence in the first place.

[ He shifts uncomfortably. ]

Sorry about that, by the way.

Eh...? You actually admitted it...

It's not like you're an equal opportunity kidnapper! Maybe you should have kidnapped just men.

I mean after that! It had nothing to do with kidnapping you.

[ Even more uncomfortable now! ]

I mean, I do almost feel better that you come out and admit I'm your least favorite. The other "tai chi club members" just obviously think it.

Was my least favourite.

[ He winks at her. ]

You don't think that's changed now?

[Gaping.]

W-well, I guess it stands to reason that Snake and Clover can't rank over me. Which goes for...

[Aoi too.]

[ He points at her and does fingerguns. ]

If you live up to your end of the deal, you've done a hell of a lot more for me than most of the rest of 'em.

Which means you can go ahead and use that 'Aoi' all you want, by the way. Just avoid it in public, yeah?

Someone finally gives Hacchan a little credit! Thank you! This is the first time since graduating college summa cum laude!

[When Lotus is heard as the original "Yashiro" and turned into "Yacchan", then the similarly eight-themed "Hacchan" sounds like a reasonable variant, but he can guess what it actually was abbreviated from. It's probably too direct to actually call an older woman that, but it's a roundabout gesture of intimacy for her to allude to it in front of him at all.]

Seriously, Jumpei might have slightly more votes on the record, but he didn't help make Eva show us her hotel pass, right?

[ He smiles at the Hacchan and then shrugs. ]

Junpei doesn't help much with anything. He's useful with voting for June, but what else has he done?

[ Ouch, Santa. Ouch. ]

Edited 2017-05-24 08:00 (UTC)

[Listing it off on her fingers--]

Things Snake has done: Vote for Clover. Vote for Ene, which was also her fault but caused us very significant problems that are still not over.

Things Clover has done: Vote for Snake.

Things Jumpei has done: Vote for June.

Things June has done: ...

[She looks at Santa.]

I don't want to damage my ranking within the favorites by talking trash about her when maybe contributions aren't as "cut and dried" as votes. Maybe she has some long term plan I don't know about? I mean, she did in the last murder game where I met her.

[ You might think he would get pissed about this, but no, he takes it evenly and with graciousness. He's used to people saying June is useless and having to defend her. He's found it's better to be rational. ]

She voted for Junpei and I. You can't knock that out. But not everything about this game is just voting. For example, she got the painkillers from Ronald, which benefited how our group was looked at with the rest of them.

Edited 2017-05-24 10:48 (UTC)

Exactly, see, that's what I'm looking for, I'm listening. ...maybe I should find some of that stuff before I have to run the board again, keep the migraines at bay.

I'm sure she'd give you some if you asked. At least a little of it.

She's overfocused on the votes, though, at least her own. Listen, maybe you two can work together next minigame. I bet you could come up with something good.

Edited 2017-05-24 12:59 (UTC)

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keybroad - 2017-05-26 02:19 (UTC) - Expand