Then secrecy'll go for me too. [She makes a gesture of zipping her lips and throwing away the key. She plucks her fork between her fingers.]
I can think of you as a friend; I mean, to a certain extent I already do, so far I've been using the word pretty casually, like our American hosts. But I'm not sure I can treat you like a friend... You see, I thought of Katou as a friend, but I didn't treat him that way in the end.
[She looks into the shiny surface of her fork, much more interested in her own reflection. Her voice takes a confessional tone; the cadence that you hear from someone deeply trusting you with something very serious, when you have not actually known one another long enough to have a habitual speaking style.] We had enough fun whenever we spoke, whatever we drank. I voted for him one round, he voted for me the next. So I thought of him as a friend; someone whose welfare was at least equal in importance to my own. But it wasn't on my mind... All I could think about was how your gratitude would increase my chances of surviving so much.
Katou voted for Zelda at first. He hoped that Zelda would vote for him in return, or secure a vote some other way. However, she didn't make this type of public declaration before the fire. Then Ene appropriated Zelda's vote.
Now, back in the third round? Snake had a deal with Ene. He would vote for her, and then she would let him control one of her votes in the fourth round. Ene's first vote went to Ib, obviously, which was apparently already listed as an exception in their deal. However, now Ene had a second vote that Snake could freely influence. To be clear, I'm talking about Snake so much because he's one of the several people whom I'd known before we showed up here. We have significant sway over one another, and Snake is especially susceptible as he is much slower to gamble with others than, for example, myself. To give you an idea of how slow, the first round he insisted on personally voting for Clover, not even letting any other members of the group do it. Therefore, Snake simultaneously did not trust Ene enough to want her actually pledging a vote for a member of his group, and did not have a strong opinion about what non-group-member would most benefit. So I had a lot of influence. And I wanted this "deal" to increase the welfare of the group as much as possible. "A vote with no strings attached whatsoever" is always going to be more useful than "the vote you might get from your friend who likes you".
Ene seemed to have a feeling that Katou deserved the vote because it was still basically like a trade with Zelda, but of course, she still actually did what we wanted. By then, most of the votes were decided. I traded for myself with Dee. There were four unprotected people: Aku, Charlie, Katou, and Sophie. And there was one vote not cast: Charlie's own. Obviously, Charlie could not vote for himself. So, I thought he would want to not have Katou's blood on his hands, and vote for him, maybe not even realize it was too late to make someone else vote for "Charlie".
When I found Charlie, he was totally out of the loop. He was figuring he'd vote for this other guy who had actually been covered already. And maybe I should have just let him do that. Fewer people would die - in the long term, you understand, I'm constantly thinking about how many opportunities we're missing to save lives by sending people to the hotel - but any person he'd been thinking to send to the hotel wasn't someone I'm trying to protect, instead someone I hoped would be one of the many inevitable deaths. So, I thought it would be more likely that more "people I'd want to protect" would survive in the end if Katou survived right now. Which was pretty terrible of me.
I didn't want to lie to Charlie... I told him the truth about who was supposed to be voting for whom, then told him Katou was someone reasonable he could vote for. Charlie asked if Katou would actually trade, and that's when I panicked. I told him Katou was voting for Zelda, who had been badly injured in a fire and might not make it, so maybe Katou wouldn't mind voting for Charlie instead. Even though I knew in that moment, Zelda dying would be bad, she's a lovely young woman I shouldn't want to see dead. And besides, a lot of people would hate me if they saw me as responsible.
Well, Charlie went to talk with Katou. And then... [Her head has started to hang, her mood very gradually going down as she was talking about all this. Lotus lifts her chin back up and a melancholy smile splits her face.] The second miracle happened. The equal and opposite reaction to the miracle of your survival, Ronove. Katou could have voted for Zelda and hoped Charlie would vote for him. Or he could have actually traded with Charlie, and Zelda would have died. Instead... he must have had Charlie vote for Zelda... and then voted for Charlie himself. [She laughs bitterly, tightly clutching the fork in her fist.] This complete stranger! I'm really not sure if they'd ever spoken once! Charlie certainly didn't seem to remember speaking to him! And Katou could have said really negative things about me on the broadcast, you know? Wreck my reputation. Even if it's everyone else's fault also for not voting for him. It's what they think that matters. But he was "a good sport".
So it's a new voting round now. I'm trying to be practical. If Katou wasn't mad at me, then I shouldn't be mad at myself, and it's certainly his own actions that show he accepted his death, which is an event that does still make it likelier I'll survive, even if his presence in the game was also useful for me. I'll just have to make the most of how things are now.
no subject
I can think of you as a friend; I mean, to a certain extent I already do, so far I've been using the word pretty casually, like our American hosts. But I'm not sure I can treat you like a friend... You see, I thought of Katou as a friend, but I didn't treat him that way in the end.
[She looks into the shiny surface of her fork, much more interested in her own reflection. Her voice takes a confessional tone; the cadence that you hear from someone deeply trusting you with something very serious, when you have not actually known one another long enough to have a habitual speaking style.] We had enough fun whenever we spoke, whatever we drank. I voted for him one round, he voted for me the next. So I thought of him as a friend; someone whose welfare was at least equal in importance to my own. But it wasn't on my mind... All I could think about was how your gratitude would increase my chances of surviving so much.
Katou voted for Zelda at first. He hoped that Zelda would vote for him in return, or secure a vote some other way. However, she didn't make this type of public declaration before the fire. Then Ene appropriated Zelda's vote.
Now, back in the third round? Snake had a deal with Ene. He would vote for her, and then she would let him control one of her votes in the fourth round. Ene's first vote went to Ib, obviously, which was apparently already listed as an exception in their deal. However, now Ene had a second vote that Snake could freely influence. To be clear, I'm talking about Snake so much because he's one of the several people whom I'd known before we showed up here. We have significant sway over one another, and Snake is especially susceptible as he is much slower to gamble with others than, for example, myself. To give you an idea of how slow, the first round he insisted on personally voting for Clover, not even letting any other members of the group do it. Therefore, Snake simultaneously did not trust Ene enough to want her actually pledging a vote for a member of his group, and did not have a strong opinion about what non-group-member would most benefit. So I had a lot of influence. And I wanted this "deal" to increase the welfare of the group as much as possible. "A vote with no strings attached whatsoever" is always going to be more useful than "the vote you might get from your friend who likes you".
Ene seemed to have a feeling that Katou deserved the vote because it was still basically like a trade with Zelda, but of course, she still actually did what we wanted. By then, most of the votes were decided. I traded for myself with Dee. There were four unprotected people: Aku, Charlie, Katou, and Sophie. And there was one vote not cast: Charlie's own. Obviously, Charlie could not vote for himself. So, I thought he would want to not have Katou's blood on his hands, and vote for him, maybe not even realize it was too late to make someone else vote for "Charlie".
When I found Charlie, he was totally out of the loop. He was figuring he'd vote for this other guy who had actually been covered already. And maybe I should have just let him do that. Fewer people would die - in the long term, you understand, I'm constantly thinking about how many opportunities we're missing to save lives by sending people to the hotel - but any person he'd been thinking to send to the hotel wasn't someone I'm trying to protect, instead someone I hoped would be one of the many inevitable deaths. So, I thought it would be more likely that more "people I'd want to protect" would survive in the end if Katou survived right now. Which was pretty terrible of me.
I didn't want to lie to Charlie... I told him the truth about who was supposed to be voting for whom, then told him Katou was someone reasonable he could vote for. Charlie asked if Katou would actually trade, and that's when I panicked. I told him Katou was voting for Zelda, who had been badly injured in a fire and might not make it, so maybe Katou wouldn't mind voting for Charlie instead. Even though I knew in that moment, Zelda dying would be bad, she's a lovely young woman I shouldn't want to see dead. And besides, a lot of people would hate me if they saw me as responsible.
Well, Charlie went to talk with Katou. And then... [Her head has started to hang, her mood very gradually going down as she was talking about all this. Lotus lifts her chin back up and a melancholy smile splits her face.] The second miracle happened. The equal and opposite reaction to the miracle of your survival, Ronove. Katou could have voted for Zelda and hoped Charlie would vote for him. Or he could have actually traded with Charlie, and Zelda would have died. Instead... he must have had Charlie vote for Zelda... and then voted for Charlie himself. [She laughs bitterly, tightly clutching the fork in her fist.] This complete stranger! I'm really not sure if they'd ever spoken once! Charlie certainly didn't seem to remember speaking to him! And Katou could have said really negative things about me on the broadcast, you know? Wreck my reputation. Even if it's everyone else's fault also for not voting for him. It's what they think that matters. But he was "a good sport".
So it's a new voting round now. I'm trying to be practical. If Katou wasn't mad at me, then I shouldn't be mad at myself, and it's certainly his own actions that show he accepted his death, which is an event that does still make it likelier I'll survive, even if his presence in the game was also useful for me. I'll just have to make the most of how things are now.