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TNDG Day 9
Severe content warning: If you said no on the permissions post DO NOT READ THIS LOG. It's worse once I wrote it than the permissions post made it sound. Content warning for alcohol abuse, extremely explicit suicidal ideation, basically saying someone should die possibly through suicide, wrist trauma, domestic issues, a brief mention of abortion that did not happen, and of all things a moderately severe spoiler for Zero Time Dilemma. What follows is a summary for people who would like to be aware of what happened. If you do not want to see a summary before the content, please skip to the content by clicking here.
Lotus brings a glass of absinthe into the sci-fi set, where Santa is recovering from his hangover. Though she is just setting up a shrine for Katou, Santa ties these actions into an overall pattern of recklessness. He gets Lotus to apologize for inviting him and Ene to the same place at the same time without proper warning.
Santa's awkward supportive pauses count: 1. (End of page 1.)
Lotus: Hey. Do you know if Clover and Snake feel the same way about the hotel as you do?
Santa: Probably not.
Lotus: Oh, that's really good news. Now maybe I can live.
Lotus goes into a lot of detail about the feasibility of this plan and the unlikeliness of her survival if anything else happens, but Santa zeroes in on that part about how she saw her own death as very likely. Santa offers to try and protect her life if she tries and protects "Corrin's chances of going to the final five". Lotus refuses because "Lotus does not die" is less difficult than that. Instead she offers the equivalent trade that Santa protects Rohan's chances of going to the final five. The contract is sealed.
Santa's awkward supportive pauses count: 2.
When Lotus lifts her wrists into the light, Santa finally asks her "Are you thinking, even a little bit, of doing something like Ene wants to do." Lotus equivocates by pointing out that "like Ene" means a lot of things. (End of page 2.) Santa shifts the goal posts to "like me", confiding that when he believed June was dead, he was ready to die of suicide, until he discovered she was still alive in this universe. Lotus is very distracted and has to learn that unlike herself being from the True End timeline where June is alive, Santa and June both come from a different timeline where she died. Lotus is more ready to believe that June remembers dying because of Ayato Naoi's testimony, which she had initially dismissed as psychotic. She admits this is derailing and finally admits she knows almost exactly how Santa felt.
This is the climax. Lotus explains that during the nine days her two daughters had been kidnapped, she seriously considered suicide, mainly hesitant because of worldly obligations and the possibility that they'd come back alive. When they had survived, Lotus had to not commit suicide and emotionally support her children. Therefore, when she wants to spend money and make herself feel better, instead of taking time away from her children, she buys herself gold jewelry.
Santa silently compares this to the way his own biological mother committed suicide, and he says Lotus is a good mom, making her cry. Lotus gets tsundere and redirects them to the game, where the number of lives to save is actually limited. Santa acknowledges that he shouldn't impose his pessimistic view of the hotel onto Lotus and comes to a shared conclusion of optimism about the plan of sending Snake and Clover to the hotel: "I'll choose to trust you that the hotel isn't death for them if you choose to trust me that death isn't the right choice for you." They shake hands and agree to support each other through the future, which will "not be pretty". Lotus will stop Santa from drinking. (End of page 3.)
Santa's awkward supportive pauses count: 3.
Lotus: You know... by protecting Rohan, you really made choosing life a lot easier.
Santa: Why is he so important to you, anyway?
Similar to Santa and Kyrie's relationship, Lotus admits that she sees Rohan as the son she never had. They talk about Rohan's good traits, like not murdering Okuyasu. (Santa silently wonders if this is why Lotus wants to send away Clover and Snake.) Lotus and Rohan just connected right away similar to Santa or Corrin, or Lotus and the Ushiromiyas, which leads Santa to question whether she's "into one of them". Lotus says no very loudly, because she thinks she is not.
Santa points out that it's for the best because romance in these games is ill-fated and ends up insinuating that Seven liked Lotus. (End of page 4.) This touches Lotus, and she shows him Rohan's tattoo of a seven-headed dragon, hiding her other tattoo of a rose because that would make Santa think she is into a specific Ushiromiya, which she thinks she is not. Santa confides how much the attempt at escaping hurt him due to his bond with Seven, and Lotus says, "I refuse to put Seven with us in the bad parent corner for unintentionally abandoning Aoi-kun". Santa admits that Lotus used to be his least favorite due to Seven's interest in her, but now she is not, so she can call him Aoi all she wants. (End of page 5.) "Someone finally gives Hacchan a little credit! Thank you!" They talk about the other "tai chi club members", and Lotus thinks about working with June.
[Lotus wakes up in the morning, leaves the sci-fi set to take a shower, and still wearing a bathrobe while her hair is down, goes into the bar. She fills a brightly red-and-black checkered glass with absinthe and takes it back to her bedside table.]
Lotus brings a glass of absinthe into the sci-fi set, where Santa is recovering from his hangover. Though she is just setting up a shrine for Katou, Santa ties these actions into an overall pattern of recklessness. He gets Lotus to apologize for inviting him and Ene to the same place at the same time without proper warning.
Santa's awkward supportive pauses count: 1. (End of page 1.)
Lotus: Hey. Do you know if Clover and Snake feel the same way about the hotel as you do?
Santa: Probably not.
Lotus: Oh, that's really good news. Now maybe I can live.
Lotus goes into a lot of detail about the feasibility of this plan and the unlikeliness of her survival if anything else happens, but Santa zeroes in on that part about how she saw her own death as very likely. Santa offers to try and protect her life if she tries and protects "Corrin's chances of going to the final five". Lotus refuses because "Lotus does not die" is less difficult than that. Instead she offers the equivalent trade that Santa protects Rohan's chances of going to the final five. The contract is sealed.
Santa's awkward supportive pauses count: 2.
When Lotus lifts her wrists into the light, Santa finally asks her "Are you thinking, even a little bit, of doing something like Ene wants to do." Lotus equivocates by pointing out that "like Ene" means a lot of things. (End of page 2.) Santa shifts the goal posts to "like me", confiding that when he believed June was dead, he was ready to die of suicide, until he discovered she was still alive in this universe. Lotus is very distracted and has to learn that unlike herself being from the True End timeline where June is alive, Santa and June both come from a different timeline where she died. Lotus is more ready to believe that June remembers dying because of Ayato Naoi's testimony, which she had initially dismissed as psychotic. She admits this is derailing and finally admits she knows almost exactly how Santa felt.
This is the climax. Lotus explains that during the nine days her two daughters had been kidnapped, she seriously considered suicide, mainly hesitant because of worldly obligations and the possibility that they'd come back alive. When they had survived, Lotus had to not commit suicide and emotionally support her children. Therefore, when she wants to spend money and make herself feel better, instead of taking time away from her children, she buys herself gold jewelry.
Santa silently compares this to the way his own biological mother committed suicide, and he says Lotus is a good mom, making her cry. Lotus gets tsundere and redirects them to the game, where the number of lives to save is actually limited. Santa acknowledges that he shouldn't impose his pessimistic view of the hotel onto Lotus and comes to a shared conclusion of optimism about the plan of sending Snake and Clover to the hotel: "I'll choose to trust you that the hotel isn't death for them if you choose to trust me that death isn't the right choice for you." They shake hands and agree to support each other through the future, which will "not be pretty". Lotus will stop Santa from drinking. (End of page 3.)
Santa's awkward supportive pauses count: 3.
Lotus: You know... by protecting Rohan, you really made choosing life a lot easier.
Santa: Why is he so important to you, anyway?
Similar to Santa and Kyrie's relationship, Lotus admits that she sees Rohan as the son she never had. They talk about Rohan's good traits, like not murdering Okuyasu. (Santa silently wonders if this is why Lotus wants to send away Clover and Snake.) Lotus and Rohan just connected right away similar to Santa or Corrin, or Lotus and the Ushiromiyas, which leads Santa to question whether she's "into one of them". Lotus says no very loudly, because she thinks she is not.
Santa points out that it's for the best because romance in these games is ill-fated and ends up insinuating that Seven liked Lotus. (End of page 4.) This touches Lotus, and she shows him Rohan's tattoo of a seven-headed dragon, hiding her other tattoo of a rose because that would make Santa think she is into a specific Ushiromiya, which she thinks she is not. Santa confides how much the attempt at escaping hurt him due to his bond with Seven, and Lotus says, "I refuse to put Seven with us in the bad parent corner for unintentionally abandoning Aoi-kun". Santa admits that Lotus used to be his least favorite due to Seven's interest in her, but now she is not, so she can call him Aoi all she wants. (End of page 5.) "Someone finally gives Hacchan a little credit! Thank you!" They talk about the other "tai chi club members", and Lotus thinks about working with June.
[Lotus wakes up in the morning, leaves the sci-fi set to take a shower, and still wearing a bathrobe while her hair is down, goes into the bar. She fills a brightly red-and-black checkered glass with absinthe and takes it back to her bedside table.]
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I think the icebreaker bingo was an establishing game for a lot of peoples' relationships.
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[Sigh...] It's where I met all the Ushiromiyas, before I knew they were Ushiromiyas. And I liked all of them. I don't know what that means.
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What, you into one of them?
[ He wouldn't be surprised, actually. ]
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[LOTUS IS JUST ALSO BLUSHING EXTREMELY HARD BUT THAT'S JUST HEAT FROM HOW ANGRY SHE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OF COURSE!!!]
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[ He keeps looking at her. ]
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[ He holds out his hands in front of him but inwardly he's thinking 'super denial'. ]
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I mean, shock, romance in a murderous game doesn't necessarily go well, right?
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I missed the boat on telling you exactly what a good idea it isn't. Do you really want me to get started now? I'm in the very fortunate position of not being in love with anyone now, but I have gotten into a relationship that ended in divorce. I don't recommend it.
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[ Santa laughs but it's a bitter sort of laugh as he stares back at her. ]
It's not like I chose this to happen at this particular time. It's not like I want to be the guy who's stupid about love again.
You were going to win, you know that, right? He wanted you.
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[Surely she must have misunderstood.]
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[ He covers his mouth to stifle a cynical laugh. ]
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[ He covers his face and points towards the door that leads to Seven's shrine. ]
He was single, lonely, then the perfect woman for him came along.
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[With no bile, very Japanese, not about Santa:] Idiot...
[She hangs there, frustrated, and then begins to move; she turns her back on Santa but speaks very clearly.] I was very specific. "I like my men not in murder games is how I like them." That... idiot... are you telling me he couldn't understand alive was a given? No wonder he managed to stay single for so long...
[Lotus is done shifting her body; she's shrugged her robe off her shoulders and is showing her bare back sexlessly to Santa. She has for some reason taken great care to arrange her braids such that it doesn't cover her back but does cover the entire back of her neck. She waits.]
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That's for him. You went through all that physical pain because of him.
[ As if it matched up to all the emotional pain, right? ]
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I did it to make myself feel better about missing him. I can't do anything "for him". He's dead.
[THEN WHY DID YOU DRINK A GLASS OF STRAIGHT ABSINTHE FOR KATOU, LOTUS?]
Look, I'm all there for enduring physical pain for people, I didn't have one twin fetus reduced for a reason. I would probably lose a leg if it would have kept him definitely alive. Maybe an arm if I could get a robot arm.
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Wouldn't have died if he wasn't....
[ Santa is very close to hyperventilating because of this conversation, actually, but he's counting his breaths and trying to keep it even. ]
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He probably thought he could escape. He'd done it before. And there was no rule against escaping or obvious evidence of the crushing mechanisms. It probably happened quickly.
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[ Oh boy, forget breathing regularly. ]
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[Okay NOW she can tell it's getting worse]
That would be bad? But it's over now, and we're also currently having the perception of not getting crushed, so focus on that.
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[ It kind of hurts to admit that out loud, but it's also a huge relief? Wow, who knew he'd got relief talking to Lotus. ]
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[Not sure what he wants to hear or how she feels.]
I mean, I call him an idiot for a reason. Either he didn't know what could happen, which is ignorance, or he did, which is recklessness.
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