TNDG Day 9

[keybroad]

Severe content warning: If you said no on the permissions post DO NOT READ THIS LOG. It's worse once I wrote it than the permissions post made it sound. Content warning for alcohol abuse, extremely explicit suicidal ideation, basically saying someone should die possibly through suicide, wrist trauma, domestic issues, a brief mention of abortion that did not happen, and of all things a moderately severe spoiler for Zero Time Dilemma. What follows is a summary for people who would like to be aware of what happened. If you do not want to see a summary before the content, please skip to the content by clicking here.

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Lotus brings a glass of absinthe into the sci-fi set, where Santa is recovering from his hangover. Though she is just setting up a shrine for Katou, Santa ties these actions into an overall pattern of recklessness. He gets Lotus to apologize for inviting him and Ene to the same place at the same time without proper warning.

Santa's awkward supportive pauses count: 1. (End of page 1.)

Lotus: Hey. Do you know if Clover and Snake feel the same way about the hotel as you do?
Santa: Probably not.
Lotus: Oh, that's really good news. Now maybe I can live.

Lotus goes into a lot of detail about the feasibility of this plan and the unlikeliness of her survival if anything else happens, but Santa zeroes in on that part about how she saw her own death as very likely. Santa offers to try and protect her life if she tries and protects "Corrin's chances of going to the final five". Lotus refuses because "Lotus does not die" is less difficult than that. Instead she offers the equivalent trade that Santa protects Rohan's chances of going to the final five. The contract is sealed.

Santa's awkward supportive pauses count: 2.

When Lotus lifts her wrists into the light, Santa finally asks her "Are you thinking, even a little bit, of doing something like Ene wants to do." Lotus equivocates by pointing out that "like Ene" means a lot of things. (End of page 2.) Santa shifts the goal posts to "like me", confiding that when he believed June was dead, he was ready to die of suicide, until he discovered she was still alive in this universe. Lotus is very distracted and has to learn that unlike herself being from the True End timeline where June is alive, Santa and June both come from a different timeline where she died. Lotus is more ready to believe that June remembers dying because of Ayato Naoi's testimony, which she had initially dismissed as psychotic. She admits this is derailing and finally admits she knows almost exactly how Santa felt.

This is the climax. Lotus explains that during the nine days her two daughters had been kidnapped, she seriously considered suicide, mainly hesitant because of worldly obligations and the possibility that they'd come back alive. When they had survived, Lotus had to not commit suicide and emotionally support her children. Therefore, when she wants to spend money and make herself feel better, instead of taking time away from her children, she buys herself gold jewelry.

Santa silently compares this to the way his own biological mother committed suicide, and he says Lotus is a good mom, making her cry. Lotus gets tsundere and redirects them to the game, where the number of lives to save is actually limited. Santa acknowledges that he shouldn't impose his pessimistic view of the hotel onto Lotus and comes to a shared conclusion of optimism about the plan of sending Snake and Clover to the hotel: "I'll choose to trust you that the hotel isn't death for them if you choose to trust me that death isn't the right choice for you." They shake hands and agree to support each other through the future, which will "not be pretty". Lotus will stop Santa from drinking. (End of page 3.)

Santa's awkward supportive pauses count: 3.

Lotus: You know... by protecting Rohan, you really made choosing life a lot easier.
Santa: Why is he so important to you, anyway?

Similar to Santa and Kyrie's relationship, Lotus admits that she sees Rohan as the son she never had. They talk about Rohan's good traits, like not murdering Okuyasu. (Santa silently wonders if this is why Lotus wants to send away Clover and Snake.) Lotus and Rohan just connected right away similar to Santa or Corrin, or Lotus and the Ushiromiyas, which leads Santa to question whether she's "into one of them". Lotus says no very loudly, because she thinks she is not.

Santa points out that it's for the best because romance in these games is ill-fated and ends up insinuating that Seven liked Lotus. (End of page 4.) This touches Lotus, and she shows him Rohan's tattoo of a seven-headed dragon, hiding her other tattoo of a rose because that would make Santa think she is into a specific Ushiromiya, which she thinks she is not. Santa confides how much the attempt at escaping hurt him due to his bond with Seven, and Lotus says, "I refuse to put Seven with us in the bad parent corner for unintentionally abandoning Aoi-kun". Santa admits that Lotus used to be his least favorite due to Seven's interest in her, but now she is not, so she can call him Aoi all she wants. (End of page 5.) "Someone finally gives Hacchan a little credit! Thank you!" They talk about the other "tai chi club members", and Lotus thinks about working with June.

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[Lotus wakes up in the morning, leaves the sci-fi set to take a shower, and still wearing a bathrobe while her hair is down, goes into the bar. She fills a brightly red-and-black checkered glass with absinthe and takes it back to her bedside table.]

Comments

[jinglebros]

Go back. 'Maybe I can live'. What are you talking about?

[ Narrows eyes. ]

[keybroad]

Santa. Come on.

[Her pace picks up slightly; there's a faint sense of nervousness about tipping her hand like this, but the cadence still suggests that she's talking about how many items can fit into a shopping cart.]

Rosa and Kyrie and Eva haven't cast their first vote for anyone besides each other this entire game. Clover and Snake have barely even cast a second vote for other people. You and Jumpei have demonstrated time and again that June's safety is the single most important thing in the entire multiverse, and even if I don't know June well enough to be certain exactly how she'll return the favor, that lack of familiarity is sufficient to infer that if in an unlikely outcome there is someone she'd place over you two, it isn't me.

[jinglebros]

If you can promise me something, I'll start putting your safety up higher on the list. I can't promise you votes, but I can promise to try to sway others your way.

[ That's worth something, isn't it? ]

[keybroad]

[She stares. She does acknowledge the significant value that asking another person for a vote can have.

After all, if that action didn't have value, Katou would still be alive.]

I'm listening.

[jinglebros]

Help me make sure Corrin's taken care of. Someday I won't be around, or I won't be able to vote for him because June comes first. But I don't want him to fucking die either.

If you can do that, then I'll help make sure you're taken care of, too.

[keybroad]

[Her eyes scan Santa's entire body with a deep existential sadness before she speaks again without expressing that emotion in words.]

The easiest way for me to do that is to use a hotel pass on him as soon as I can. It's your deal, though, so I can obviously accept an order to not do that.

[jinglebros]

No. No hotel pass. I already promised Niles I wasn't sending either of them to the hotel. I'd be breaking one deal to set up another. All I have, right now, is my word.

[keybroad]

I see.

[She gives this some serious thought.]

You realize you're asking me for a more difficult thing than I would be getting. Because it has to be clear to you by now that I'm not a "final five or bust" player.

[jinglebros]

Then what do you think is a fair trade here?

[keybroad]

[She realizes it must be really frightening to have lost this way of assuring that outcome he must desire with his entire body. Her brow furrows as the spark finally lights up in her eyes.]

...there's someone I do not want to die who wouldn't accept the usage of a hotel pass on him. Rohan Kishibe. In other words, "I protect Corrin and you protect Rohan" is an equivalent exchange.

[jinglebros]

[ Santa frowns. It's an even trade but he doesn't like it. But he doesn't have to like it. ]

Fine. I'll protect him, you protect Corrin. I don't know if I'll always have the votes for him, but I'll do my best to sway, and you'll do the same. Right?

[keybroad]

Yes.

[She nods. Making an elaborate fake Catholic gesture.]

Then the contract is sealed.

[jinglebros]

Good.

[ Santa nods, then thinks about last night, thinks about how much of a mess she was. ]

...

[keybroad]

[Well, Lotus is not a mess anymore! She's gotten her hair all pinned up! Granted, her makeup isn't on yet, but that just means she can't have a dark black layer of liquid all over her skin. She will be going to the dressing room soon and then get makeup in addition to clothes.

In the silence, she begins putting on her bracelets. She raises her arms so her bathrobe's wide sleeves fall down, and then she starts slipping the bracelets down. With particular care, her nails point out her veins in the light.]

[jinglebros]

[ A shock goes down Santa's spine as he watches her and something occurs to him. ]

I have a question. [ He says, very carefully. ] And if we're going to have a deal, I want you to answer me very truthfully. Okay?

[keybroad]

[She freezes as soon as she hears his voice again. Without turning to look him in the eye, she says:]

What is it.

[jinglebros]

Are you thinking, even a little bit, of doing something like Ene wants to do.

[keybroad]

[With cynically broad vowels that make it very obvious she isn't actually conveying the information Santa hopes to hear:]

I'm not thinking of doing something stupid.

[jinglebros]

Why am I not sure I believe you?

[keybroad]

I don't know why! You believe in my intelligence and loyalty, right?

[The last of the bracelets is on now and she looks at Santa doe-eyed.]

[jinglebros]

Do you believe in mine?

[keybroad]

...

Okay. Fine. If you want me to show you more respect, I'll need a more rigorous definition of "like Ene".

[jinglebros]

Sorry, sorry. That was horrible and I realize it now.

[ He sighs. ]

How about like me? I came here and nearly offed myself because June was dead. The only thing that stopped me was finding her again. Are you thinking of doing that over something or someone?

[keybroad]

[First she flinches; he's clearly onto her. Then, very confused, leaning forward:]

But... June's alive.

[jinglebros]

Maybe for you.

[ Santa winces. At least there's confirmation on that. ]

We sorted this out on day one. Most of you are from a different timeline than us. Don't ask how it fucking works, only June could really tell you.