TNDG Day 9

[keybroad]

Severe content warning: If you said no on the permissions post DO NOT READ THIS LOG. It's worse once I wrote it than the permissions post made it sound. Content warning for alcohol abuse, extremely explicit suicidal ideation, basically saying someone should die possibly through suicide, wrist trauma, domestic issues, a brief mention of abortion that did not happen, and of all things a moderately severe spoiler for Zero Time Dilemma. What follows is a summary for people who would like to be aware of what happened. If you do not want to see a summary before the content, please skip to the content by clicking here.

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Lotus brings a glass of absinthe into the sci-fi set, where Santa is recovering from his hangover. Though she is just setting up a shrine for Katou, Santa ties these actions into an overall pattern of recklessness. He gets Lotus to apologize for inviting him and Ene to the same place at the same time without proper warning.

Santa's awkward supportive pauses count: 1. (End of page 1.)

Lotus: Hey. Do you know if Clover and Snake feel the same way about the hotel as you do?
Santa: Probably not.
Lotus: Oh, that's really good news. Now maybe I can live.

Lotus goes into a lot of detail about the feasibility of this plan and the unlikeliness of her survival if anything else happens, but Santa zeroes in on that part about how she saw her own death as very likely. Santa offers to try and protect her life if she tries and protects "Corrin's chances of going to the final five". Lotus refuses because "Lotus does not die" is less difficult than that. Instead she offers the equivalent trade that Santa protects Rohan's chances of going to the final five. The contract is sealed.

Santa's awkward supportive pauses count: 2.

When Lotus lifts her wrists into the light, Santa finally asks her "Are you thinking, even a little bit, of doing something like Ene wants to do." Lotus equivocates by pointing out that "like Ene" means a lot of things. (End of page 2.) Santa shifts the goal posts to "like me", confiding that when he believed June was dead, he was ready to die of suicide, until he discovered she was still alive in this universe. Lotus is very distracted and has to learn that unlike herself being from the True End timeline where June is alive, Santa and June both come from a different timeline where she died. Lotus is more ready to believe that June remembers dying because of Ayato Naoi's testimony, which she had initially dismissed as psychotic. She admits this is derailing and finally admits she knows almost exactly how Santa felt.

This is the climax. Lotus explains that during the nine days her two daughters had been kidnapped, she seriously considered suicide, mainly hesitant because of worldly obligations and the possibility that they'd come back alive. When they had survived, Lotus had to not commit suicide and emotionally support her children. Therefore, when she wants to spend money and make herself feel better, instead of taking time away from her children, she buys herself gold jewelry.

Santa silently compares this to the way his own biological mother committed suicide, and he says Lotus is a good mom, making her cry. Lotus gets tsundere and redirects them to the game, where the number of lives to save is actually limited. Santa acknowledges that he shouldn't impose his pessimistic view of the hotel onto Lotus and comes to a shared conclusion of optimism about the plan of sending Snake and Clover to the hotel: "I'll choose to trust you that the hotel isn't death for them if you choose to trust me that death isn't the right choice for you." They shake hands and agree to support each other through the future, which will "not be pretty". Lotus will stop Santa from drinking. (End of page 3.)

Santa's awkward supportive pauses count: 3.

Lotus: You know... by protecting Rohan, you really made choosing life a lot easier.
Santa: Why is he so important to you, anyway?

Similar to Santa and Kyrie's relationship, Lotus admits that she sees Rohan as the son she never had. They talk about Rohan's good traits, like not murdering Okuyasu. (Santa silently wonders if this is why Lotus wants to send away Clover and Snake.) Lotus and Rohan just connected right away similar to Santa or Corrin, or Lotus and the Ushiromiyas, which leads Santa to question whether she's "into one of them". Lotus says no very loudly, because she thinks she is not.

Santa points out that it's for the best because romance in these games is ill-fated and ends up insinuating that Seven liked Lotus. (End of page 4.) This touches Lotus, and she shows him Rohan's tattoo of a seven-headed dragon, hiding her other tattoo of a rose because that would make Santa think she is into a specific Ushiromiya, which she thinks she is not. Santa confides how much the attempt at escaping hurt him due to his bond with Seven, and Lotus says, "I refuse to put Seven with us in the bad parent corner for unintentionally abandoning Aoi-kun". Santa admits that Lotus used to be his least favorite due to Seven's interest in her, but now she is not, so she can call him Aoi all she wants. (End of page 5.) "Someone finally gives Hacchan a little credit! Thank you!" They talk about the other "tai chi club members", and Lotus thinks about working with June.

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[Lotus wakes up in the morning, leaves the sci-fi set to take a shower, and still wearing a bathrobe while her hair is down, goes into the bar. She fills a brightly red-and-black checkered glass with absinthe and takes it back to her bedside table.]

Comments

[jinglebros]

Ten percent, huh?

[ Acting like he's not fucking aware of that. ]

If you don't 'have it out for me', then I have no explanation for some of your actions.

[keybroad]

You think I'm disloyal to you?

[Angry barked laugh, whirling at him to deliver it whether he's decent or not.]

Okay, what's the next joke, keep them coming. "McDonald's got sponsored by the NCAA so there will be a final four slots instead."

[jinglebros]

I didn't exactly say that! But I do think you're reckless.

For example, what's with not warning me Ene would be there?

[ He has to change shirts, but she's already turned around. Whatever, he just changes shirts right in front of her. He's not thinking about all his marks. ]

You just told me to go to a place and a time without saying what would be there.

[keybroad]

I was...

[Her mind races for an excuse - they were in public, or something - and doesn't find one. She's on the ropes.]

What could have happened, her lasering you?

[jinglebros]

We're talking about more subtle dangers. She's definitely not my friend now. I tried to save that, but she didn't believe me.

[keybroad]

[Stares. She finally realizes this is kind of bad but simultaneously can't relate at all to the process that led to this point. It's hard for her to put it into words. At length, more confused than anything.]

So this is... worse to her than trying to kill her?

[jinglebros]

[Speaks slowly. ]

If she's around, she can manipulate and influence others against us in revenge for what we did.

[keybroad]

[Crosses arms]

She won't be around much longer. I mean, she's your "special" friend, you believe her about wanting to stop existing here, don't you?

[jinglebros]

[ Santa laughs. ]

That? You really believed me on that? I fucking hate her guts.

[keybroad]

I don't know what I'm supposed to think.

Look, would it be better if none of us had ever spoken her about plans again. I obviously can't untalk to her now but for future reference.

[jinglebros]

No, because we need to keep track of her. But we need to keep each other in the loop about what's going on.

[ He runs a hand through his hair and looks at her imploringly. ]

Please.

[keybroad]

[She answers the glance amicably insofar as she clearly agrees with him, but she has other questions.]

Okay. Fine.

Am I the member of the "tai chi club" keeping the others out of the loop the most? I'm actually more concerned hearing that then I was before.

[jinglebros]

I wouldn't know, would I? If we're being kept out of the loop by others, we wouldn't exactly be aware of it. You're certainly the most reckless member.

[ He's not going to be dishonest about that. ]

But you're learning.

[keybroad]

Well, I mean, there's the possibility of other members keeping me out of the loop, but I guess honestly saying "yeah, Lotus, we've been lying to you" would kind of defeat the point.

Thanks for understanding that I wasn't wrecking your reputation with Ene on purpose. Trust me, you ever want that to happen, say the word and it'll happen like [snaps fingers] this.

[jinglebros]

Heh. I'll let you know.

[ Grabbing his scarf, he wraps it around his neck and then sits back down, looking up at her. Hangover is bad but he wants to finish this conversation, and he feels like there's more to talk about. He knows there's more to talk about. But how do they approach it?

A W K W A R D ]

[keybroad]

[Lotus yawns deeply and finds herself also more comfortable sitting back down on her own bed. She's calmed down a lot now that Santa isn't pressing her to change anything, and something that's been bothering her a while floats into her mind.]

Hey. Do you know if Clover and Snake feel the same way about the hotel as you do?

[jinglebros]

Probably not. I haven't ran into anyone else who feels that way.

[ Hahaha he's aware he looks like a paranoid ass but he can't help feeling the way he feels. ]

Why?

[keybroad]

Oh, that's really good news. Now maybe I can live. [Her voice is slightly flat as usual, and there is no particular pause after this sentence like it is more momentous than any of the others.] Eva and Rosa and Kyrie obviously aren't chomping at the bit to go to the hotel if they didn't ask for Eva's pass, and the way the rest of you in our group feel is really obvious, but now that we know a hotel pass is basically the same as a vote, we can look into just voting for Clover twice and then use the pass on Snake, or vice versa. Or I guess wait for a second pass to fall in our hands, if they really don't want to set an uneven-voting precedent. Obviously this will have to go past everyone at the meeting, but it's really promising.

[jinglebros]

Go back. 'Maybe I can live'. What are you talking about?

[ Narrows eyes. ]

[keybroad]

Santa. Come on.

[Her pace picks up slightly; there's a faint sense of nervousness about tipping her hand like this, but the cadence still suggests that she's talking about how many items can fit into a shopping cart.]

Rosa and Kyrie and Eva haven't cast their first vote for anyone besides each other this entire game. Clover and Snake have barely even cast a second vote for other people. You and Jumpei have demonstrated time and again that June's safety is the single most important thing in the entire multiverse, and even if I don't know June well enough to be certain exactly how she'll return the favor, that lack of familiarity is sufficient to infer that if in an unlikely outcome there is someone she'd place over you two, it isn't me.

[jinglebros]

If you can promise me something, I'll start putting your safety up higher on the list. I can't promise you votes, but I can promise to try to sway others your way.

[ That's worth something, isn't it? ]

[keybroad]

[She stares. She does acknowledge the significant value that asking another person for a vote can have.

After all, if that action didn't have value, Katou would still be alive.]

I'm listening.

[jinglebros]

Help me make sure Corrin's taken care of. Someday I won't be around, or I won't be able to vote for him because June comes first. But I don't want him to fucking die either.

If you can do that, then I'll help make sure you're taken care of, too.

[keybroad]

[Her eyes scan Santa's entire body with a deep existential sadness before she speaks again without expressing that emotion in words.]

The easiest way for me to do that is to use a hotel pass on him as soon as I can. It's your deal, though, so I can obviously accept an order to not do that.

[jinglebros]

No. No hotel pass. I already promised Niles I wasn't sending either of them to the hotel. I'd be breaking one deal to set up another. All I have, right now, is my word.